August 9, 2006

Quarter Life Crisis

When you are young you are cursed with youth. Not a lot of people look at it that way. Older people think of youth as a blessing, long for it, to feel young and alive again, to be allowed to do crazy and stupid and childish stuff. Young people don't appreciate their own youth.

I am not like that. I am young and I appreciate it. I know there are things I better do now or I will never be able or allowed to do them. I don't care what others think of it, I have to live with myself every day and I am trying to make that as bearable as possible.
But at the same time I find my youth to be a curse. Namely exactly in the moments when I am not being youthful, childish or irresponsible. In the moments when I talk about what I wanna do with my life, what my plans are, what I want from life, love, people. I can sound very grown-up then. Reflected some people call it. But when I say things like "I am unhappy with the way my life is going right now. I want more. Nothing up till now has went the way I wanted it to", I usually get a reaction like: "Come on, kid, you're still young. Your whole life is still in front of you. Be patient."

Reactions like that make me so raging mad, you have no idea. Just because I am young I have no right to complain about life? To want things from life? To think about life sometimes? Just because I am young I am supposed to be irresponsible and flimsy and dedicated only to having fun? What a load of BS.

As of now I will not listen to people in their 30s anymore telling me how I should appreciate my youth and stop worrying so much. Maybe you never worried enough, did that ever occur to you? Maybe the reason you are where you are and not somewhere else, somewhere better maybe, is that you never worried, thought and reflected enough.

I swear, if one more person tries to make me feel guilty for worrying about big life stuff IN SPITE of my age, I will have a screaming fit Marissa Cooper style.

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